Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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