She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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