the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
