shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
