mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Who wears a wallet chain?!
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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