DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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