I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
