I CAN MOONWALK!
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize