So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
