I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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