I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
