there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
