the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
