READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
