Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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