i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
