The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize