I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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