I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
