Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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