dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
