when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
