you're like a bully in the Christmas story
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
