Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Randomize
