i would punch a child for taco bell
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
