i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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