I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
