i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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