see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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