why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
