I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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