just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
The power of my boobs compel you
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize