Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
