but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
