I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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