I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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