Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You made out with two different species that night
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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