I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He called his prostate his "boner button".
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
