Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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