did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
