I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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