you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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