Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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