Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Randomize
