to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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