I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
