Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
whose ass print is on the piano?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
