I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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