went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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