i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
We had to coat check the pizza.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Randomize
