I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
