Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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