They should really pass out barf bags in church
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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