dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
