u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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