I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
