He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
