There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
