He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
