So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
