help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
