: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
